A spiritual teacher that I follow posted something that made me take a long deep pause at the end of my night. I was laying in bed, scrolling through my feed, and saw a them say something along the lines of every good thing you’ve ever done is lost the second you lash out or criticize a loved one. My eyes shot open wide and I immediately went into reflection. 

While I agree that there is a lot of shadow in spiritual work, a lot of spiritual bypassing, this creates a lot of shame and disconnect to our humanity. This month’s theme is all about embracing our humanity. What does that mean, you ask? Being okay with not being perfect is the first step.

Our culture is really hooked on the idea of perfectionism right now. We as humans do some really dumb things sometimes, and most of the time it is actually just playing out things that were mirrored to us as children, or being stuck in a trauma loop, or scapegoating, or trying to heal a part of ourselves in really unhealthy ways. 

Almost daily, I struggle in dealing with my “humanity” — the not-so-easy-to-love parts. The parts of ourselves that only come out when pushed. And as much as people argue this, almost every human can be pushed to that point. Spirituality and meditation is not about completely rid ourselves of fucking up. I mean really, even Jesus threw a table in rage when he was pushed far enough. 

I am not saying it is okay to be a jerk, or a person who lashes out all the time and leaks their emotions on to others. What I am saying, from the very bottom of my heart, is that the more we separate and deny our humanity, the more shame and disconnect and shoving of the shadow occurs. 

There is a massive difference between integrity and perfection that needs to be addressed. Integrity is a must, perfection is impossible. These parts of ourselves that show up at unexpected times, sometimes uncontrollably, when we go into banishing, what good is that going to do? By rooting in shame, claiming you can undo everything you strived for in one brief second, we are disconnecting from those parts of ourselves. Shoving them down and shaming them, when what they really what they need is love.

So next time you react, overreact, or do something that isn’t in alignment with who you’re trying to be, take a deep breath. Apologize. Take some space. Nurture yourself. Make amends. Your progress is not lost because you lost your cool. The progress isn’t in the perfection, it’s in the process. You got this. And you’re doing great.