This month was my solar return — my 26th birthday. On a beautifully aspected Scorpio full moon. Reflecting on my 25th year was… interesting. It makes me throw my head back and cackle when I hear the saying, “people don’t change.”
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Right now, I want you to think about your absolute dream life. I’m sure you’ve heard a lot of self-help people tell you to visualize — dream it, then do it. Well, I want to challenge you on something. How do you see yourself getting what you want? Do you see yourself grueling for it? Hustling nonstop? Working your ass off? Grinding all of the time?
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You don’t need to climb a mountain and fast for several days, or apprentice with an old witch in order to experience magic and divinity. It is in everything, in every moment. And right now, I bet you’re thinking something along the lines of — Yeah that’s cool for you Ani, but I can’t connect like that. I got too much going on and I’m not psychic or in tune, and I don’t even know where to start.
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I used to think spirituality was reserved for a very certain kind of person. Still to this day, when I hear the word “spiritual” I think of a raw vegan and completely rejects the modern world, and spends the majority of their life in meditation, listening to flute music on a sheepskin and wearing organic cotton outfits all one color. Anyone else? I think that spiritual image has dominated the media — and has become the ultimate picture of “new age.”
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I don’t know how to speak on sadness. I still struggle with allowing myself to feel this one fully. Whenever a hint of sadness comes up, a list spews into my brain about what I should be sad about instead of what I am sad about, like a gag reflex. The truth is, I am still guilty of trying to spiritually bypass when things get hard for me. I can be sad a lot. Even though everything in my life is circumstantially amazing, I still feel this tugging at my heart.
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As I started to walk the priestess path, there was a shift in my life. I went deep into my own descent, looking at every nook and cranny of my soul I could find, clearing the cobwebs of the dustiest parts of my being. With that came a lot of hermit energy, a lot of needing to be alone, a lot of blowing off plans and not wanting to do the things that once gave me so much joy.
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