Ritual for Tough Emotions

So much of the time, we numb out and disconnect to not feel— scrolling mindlessly through the discovery page on Instagram, taking on more and more work, over giving in relationships, binge-watching Netflix, or sometimes just staring off into space.

But what if I told you there’s another way we disconnect, and this one is much more sneaky. 

How many times do you feel an uncomfortable emotion, like fear, shame, anger, or disgust, and just think about how you’re feeling it and how much it sucks to feel it?

Or you try to come up with a story, obsesses with the why, or try to figure out an immediate way out of it is not actually doing anything productive with the feeling. In fact, it could be making it more intense. 

See, My Love, the sneakiest form of disconnection is when you live too much in your head, and not enough in your body. Our bodies know what to do with these emotions — they shake, they yell, they gag — they transform and release when you’re in tune with your wildest, most primal heart of hearts. 

Emotions are not to be feared, they are sacred messengers that give us the information we need in order to thrive. And the more we shut off the scary, intense emotions, the more we shut off joy, ecstasy, bliss!

If you really wanna live life, you gotta live it like it’s the most sensual mystery. Make love to your emotions. Be with them. And discover the pearl of wisdom they offer.

And, I have a ritual for that — just for you. Here it is:

Step One:
Set your sacred space — light your candles, put on some oils, and set the moon. Then, invite the emotion to show itself even more in this safe container. What does this actually feel like in your body? Let’s work with the example of fear. What does fear physically feel like in your body? What is the sensation of fear? Where specifically do you feel it in your body?

Step Two:
See the emotion as a goddess at your temple, or a sacred messenger, or a divine guide. Greet it with reverence for the amount of power it holds. Breathe into this space and sensation in your body, and let your body shake, or move, and make noise as you exhale. Release. You can imagine this as an offering to the emotion — as a gift of thanks for showing up. 

Step Three: 
Close your eyes and put your hands over where you feel it. Begin to ask it questions. 
Some potent questions are:

What do you want?

What do you need?

What is your purpose?

Are you protecting me from something?

What are you protecting me from?

What part of me are you protecting? 

Step Four: 
Get out a piece of paper and free write as if you were the fear, anger, shame, disgust, etc,  inside of you.  You are going to fully embody this sensation and emotion. Answer those questions from a place of I. So for example, I am protecting you from being judged.  I am needing presence and love. 

Step Five: 
Thank this emotion and release anything else you have to release. If you need to scream, dance, shake, laugh, let your body do it. Don’t be afraid to make noise, to get what we normally see as “ugly” and “unpretty” —get wild, primal, real, and raw. Maybe you put on a song and dance it out, or sing it out, or just scream into a pillow, or hold yourself and cry. Just don’t hold yourself back — and this will get easier and easier with practice. Complete by giving yourself a massage with some yummy oil, making a cup of tea, and self-soothing in whatever way is authentic to you.